powerless. adj., without ability, influence or power

This describes how I’ve felt for the past four days. No, this describes ME for the past four days. If you know me at all, you know that doesn’t bode well for me. I like to be in control. I like to fix things that need fixed. And I couldn’t. I couldn’t fix a thing.

I know I’ve said before that Luke was sick first time since diagnosis. Oh man, was I wrong. Back then, he had a low-grade fever and some sniffles. His blood sugar wasn’t really even affected. Silly me for thinking that keeping his blood sugar steady during sickness was an easy task. Silly me.

Wednesday evening, he decided to not go to swim practice because he had developed “a pretty bad cough” during the day. That night, he camped himself on the couch and didn’t move. (This was the first sign that told me this was more than a cough.) That night, he spiked a fever. Not a huge one. I think it was probably 100.5 or so. Still enough to keep him home the following day.

Throughout the next day, the cough continued to get worse. The fever continued to get higher. And his blood sugars were, and continued to be the highest they’ve ever been since diagnosis. 237… 301… 263… Fortunately, ketones were negative every time but once, when they were trace.

We couldn’t get into the doctor until Friday morning. Lungs were clear. Fever was persistent, reaching as high as 102.7. They didn’t test for influenza, which still baffles me. He was diagnosed with a virus that will need to run its course. However, they prescribed a z-pack, just in case it’s bacterial.

And his blood sugar continued to rise throughout the weekend… 261… 341… 371…

And no matter what we did, it wouldn’t come down. Correction boluses all day long. He drank so much I was afraid he was going to float away. (not really) Moving when he could. (He was still pretty weak from it all.)

Saturday night’s midnight check? 321. Sunday morning’s 3:00 a.m. check? 305. Sunday’s morning’s wake up check? 155. Wait, what?? 155!?

And that’s where we stand right now. His last sugar check was 155. His last temperature check was 100.0. His last ketone check was negative.

This has, by far, been the hardest part of Type 1 management for me since diagnosis. This was the first time since that first weekend in the hospital that I really wanted to just scream at the stupid disorder. It was stressful. It was agonizing. It was frustrating. All because I was so powerless.

As I scrolled through Facebook, while watching the umpteenth movie with Luke yesterday, I came across this quote on Toby Mac’s page. The quote is by Elisabeth Elliot who, by the way, has THE most amazing testimony ever. Look her up if you haven’t before.

I made this image my Facebook cover photo so I could be reminded daily that even when I feel powerless, there is One who is all-powerful, all the time.

And He loves Luke more than I do.